[269] Lying To Myself

All that I’ve written previously are thoughts that I no longer remember, words that I didn’t act upon and feelings that I don’t relate to. Is all we are the thoughts that we hold then? Or are the ones I’m writing out now going to become a part of my subconscious soon?

Will these thoughts help us in chasing the elusive perfect day? A day where our mind won’t disappoint, where creativity flows throughout the day, where we learn something new, where there’s completion of all the tasks we couldn’t complete.

Days like these are not easy to earn but chasing them is the only drug I know to take. Times of my despair feels like a distant past but it comes as a reminder when an image or a word triggers all those emotions. The image of me laying on the ground oblivious to my natural surroundings, talking to my demons who weren’t really there. Feeling the shame that fills silence inside me.

Abstraction traps me again. I deviate from where I want to be. Tasks remain unfinished but writing down my imagination offers me an illusion that it can be done. And I take it with me to finish them in my dreams.